Skip to main content

Can you fill this out without lying?

I'll do my best! Haha

1. What was the last thing you put in your mouth?
Glass

2. Where was your profile picture taken? 
In an alternate reality where World War II never happened but also GoGurt was never invented

3. Do you play Pokemon Go? 
Not anymore. I stopped playing because my Pokémons became self aware and started showing me their private parts

4. Name someone who made you laugh today?
Lee Harvey Oswald

5. How late did you stay up last night? 
Until blood began spilling from the moon

6. If you could move somewhere else, where would it be?
On top of a yak

7. Ever been kissed under fireworks? 
Only by shadows

8. Who is your most observant friend?
Spuzzy Carmichael, concierge at the Seduct Inn. He sees it all!

9.Do you believe ex's can be friends?
All my exes live in another realm where they do not have the capability of connecting to humans or understanding the concept of "friendship"

10. How do you feel about Dr. Pepper?
The liquid equivalent of every human's joys and terrors

11. Who took your profile picture? 
A man with no teeth dressed all in black

12. Who was the last person you took pic of? 
A Japanese goblin (technically not a person but he was wearing a fedora to look like one)

13. Was yesterday better than today?
Yesterday is tomorrow, I am moving backward in time

14. Can you live a day without TV?  
Umm... probably not! I need my Netflix lol

15. If you could have any job/career, which would you choose? 
The person who collects the Pope's discarded pistachio shells

16. Are you a bad influence?
I am good I am good I am good I am good I am good I am good I am good I am good I am good I am good I am good I am good I am good I am good I am good I am good I am good I am good I am good I am good I am good I am good I am good I am good I am good I am good I am good I am good I am good I am good I am good I am good I am good I am good I am good I am good I am good I am good I am good I am good I am good I am good I am good I am good I am good I am good I am good I am good I am good I am good I am good I am good I am good I am good I am good I am good I am good I am good I am good I am good I am good I am good I am good I am good I am good I am good I am good I am good I am good I am good I am good I am good I am good I am good I am good I am good I am good I am good I am good I am good I am good I am good I am good I am good I am good I am good I am good I am good I am good I am good I am good I am good I am good I am good I am good I am good I am good I am good I am good I am good I am good I am good I am good I am good I am good I am good I am good I am good

Comments

Read These If You Have Nothing Better to Do

Three tips on getting your beach body that don't involve going to war with Iran

Summer is almost here, which means Americans will be heading to the beach, pool, and possibly the Middle East to start another genocidal war that will only further destabilize the region. Here are some tips that make sure you look good while also ensuring you don't kill hundreds of thousands of people. 1.) Stick to your diplomatic relationship and your workout routine. Having a set plan can go a loooong way in ensuring you get to the gym every week. Once you establish something that works, though, don't give up just because you get busy or you want to tarnish your predecessor's legacy. Abs don't show up in one week. Don't stop your workout just because your tummy doesn't get flat right away, or because of unfounded claims that the 2015 peace deal deal isn't working. As Dory from Finding Nemo famously says: 2.) Maintain a high-protein breakfast and avoid appointing John Bolton as your National Security Advisor. Any breakfast that inc

Something you never want to hear from your significant other

It started out like a regular date night. Both of us had survived tough weeks at work, and we relished the chance to get away from it all. After paying for our meal, we weren't yet ready to head in, so we decided to go for a walk by the river. It was warm, but the breeze off the water soothed us. My partner and I held hands. We chitchatted. I don't remember what we talked about, but then he turned to me and told me something I will never forget. My first reaction after hearing these words was shock. I never in my life imagined I would hear something like that directed at me, especially from someone I cared about so deeply. Did he really just say that? I wondered. Even though I had heard him clearly, my only response was, "What?" He repeated. Again, every word entered my ear and soured all happy memories I had of my partner. Every warm feeling that I felt towards him was now ice cold, and it was just as shocking to hear the second time: A roller skating

Web-site Musings' Official 2020 Endorsement

I have covered politics before, in both opinion and factual pieces, but have always refrained from making endorsements because no one paid me to. This year is different, however, with crises that seem to increase more and more by the day. As someone who cares about the future of this country and the world, I am making this endorsement in the hopes that we make it to 2021 looking stylish, while also staying practical. For this reason, I am proud to endorse FLEXI Extra Sturdy Sunglasses With Color Lenses - Sleek Design, Men & Women SJ9083! This election is more important than ever, as the current occupant of the White House has refused to tackle some of our most pressing issues, such as giving your eyes the UV protection they need as you go about your daily routine. Scientists predict that all of y our friends will have the coolest shades while you are stuck looking boring and dull, and yet, the President has do ne nothing about this crisis. As a candidate, FLEXI Extra Sturd

How to tell if you have a horse infestation… and what to do about it.

Click  here  to read at funny-ish.com.

My coming out post

This is difficult. I’m not usually vulnerable on here, but I need to talk about something. After being in the closet for so long, it’s time for me to speak my truth. As a writer, this blog is the best place for me to do that. And I really appreciate YOU for reading this. Being in the closet is in no way a fun experience. When you have no one to talk to it’s easy to shut down, to get lost in your thoughts. For that reason, I have a lot of pent-up emotions... soI’ll try to not write too much! I feel like I’ve been in the closet forever. But when it really comes down to it, I’m the same person I was when I was trapped in there. “Trapped” might seem like a strong word, but I assure you, I do not use it  lightly. When I was in the closet, I truly felt that I would never get out - and that often led to despair. Despite all this, I have no regrets - because coming out has only made me stronger. I cannot write this post without thanking my support system: my friends and family. These ar