Web-site musings

The Force Awakens is very likely the most anticipated movie since Beverly Hills Chihuahua 2 , so it has a lot to live up to. With a cast of returning characters such as Chewbacca "Chewie" Johnson (played by Mark Ruffalo's feet), and C3PO (played by Julie Andrews), the movie has the challenge of balancing time between the "Space Fighters" we know and love and newcomers to the saga, villain Kylo Ren (played by Mark Ruffalo from the knees up and Martin Mull below the knees), and space mail carrier turned space baker Bette Midler (playing herself). As Darth Vader himself would say, "Yowza! We sure are in fer a wild ride, ain't we!" The film opens with an action sequence: laser guns shooting at space ships, space ships shooting at planets that are actually grapes from a ginormous picnic basket, and terrified space people yelling "LOOK OUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! A SPACE SHIP!!!!!!!!!!!!!! LOOK OUT!!!!!!!!!! ANOTHER SPACE SHIP!!!!!!!!!!!

T is for Thankful, which I am. H is for Happy, which I also am. A is for A great day, which I will have. N  is for Numbers, which I use to count things I'm thankful for. K is for Turkey, which I like to eat.  S is for Sweat potatoes, which are sweat.  G is for Give, the "Pilgrims' Way."  I is for "I love Thanksgiving," which I say. V is for Velocity, the rate of change of an object's position with respect to a frame of reference. M is for "Mashed potatoes!" which I exclaim when I eat cranberry sauce. C is for Corn, my favorite character on FRIENDS. R is for Rachel, my second favorite character on FRIENDS. S is for Stuffing, the most delicious holiday treat.

THE WAR ON CHRISTMAS by Seth Miller Scene 23 Dark forest, late at night. There is snow on the ground. A baby reindeer emerges from behind a tree. A single tear falls down its face. It is sad because the liberal media has waged war on Christmas and murdered its family. There is the faint sound of a snowmobile in the distance. The reindeer perks up and listens. As the snowmobile gets closer the reindeer scampers away. Close up on Joe Fyter. His face is bruised, beaten, but in his eyes there is determination. He is driving the same snowmobile that Saint Nicholas gave to him just before he was gunned down by politically correct corporate America. FLASHBACK to SANTA CLAUS on the floor of the shopping mall, spitting up blood SANTA : Save... Christmas... JOE : ( shaking his head ) We can do it together. You and me, we can save Christmas together. SANTA : No... it has to be... it has to be you, Joe Fyter... JOE : You'll get through this, damn it! SANTA : No... my

Yes.

It was the 1930s and I was in my house in Alabama. Jem came down the stairs and said, "Hey Jean Louise, remember when we learned a valuable lesson about not killing birds?" "Please, call me Scout," I said, "And yes. We also we learned to not be racist." "There are probably no more lessons to be learned," said Jem. Boy, was he wrong. There was a knock at the door and I opened it. It was Boo Radley. "Hi guys, it's me, Boo Radley," said Boo Radley. "Hi Boo, thank you for killing that man who was trying to hurt us in order to take revenge against our father, an honorable lawyer," I said. "Any time," said Boo. "Even though I seem strange I am still a good person." "That's true," said Jem. "So Boo, what brings you by our house?" I said. "I want to show you something that I worked very hard on," said Boo. "I am very interested," said Jem. "I am too,&

America, America, from sea to shinning sea. America, America, I'll always cherish thee! Let us take a journey 'cross This glorious nation land, And see the things that we will see, From rock, to dirt, to sand. Look 'pon the faces of Rushmore Mount, Our country's coolest guys: Abe Lincoln, Pauly Bunyan too, And Betsy Ross (but in disguise)! For freedom! For justice! For doing the right thing! America, America, for you I would do anything! We'll make our way through the Stony Mountains, Climb to the top of Tecumseh's Crook. I can see all the way to Jefferson's Bay! What a good spot to read a book. You've given me all that I need America, A car, pencils, and food that will help me thrive. I'm glad that I live in you, I'm lucky to be alive! Look, the Washington monument! A tribute to our daddy George. And there is the Empire State Building, Where our Constitution was forged. I like

Minnesota - "The 4 Millionth State" Mississippi - "Land of That Letter That Looks Like A More Curvy 5" North Carolina - "Northern South Carolina" Connecticut - "The 24 Seasons 1-3 State" Tennessee - "The Standing-on-Your-Head-is-Not-Gymnastics State" Virginia - "Uncle Sam's Stash of Grown Up Magazines" South Dakota - "The South and the Dakota" California - "The Devil's Ashtray That His Son Made For Him In His Elementary School Art Class" Louisiana - "We Thought We Had Until the End of the Week to Submit A Nickname" Missouri - "The You-Show-Me-Yours-I-Show-You-Mine State" Nebraska - "The Land of Grass and Rivers, of Copper Pots and Golden Plates; of Blinding Sun and Glowing Moon, This is My Home, My State. I Was Born Here, and I'll Die Here Too, It's My Guardian, My Master. I'll Never Love Another, Hear, My Dearest Sweet Michiga

I was in the grocery store when I saw a man struggling with his groceries. I felt bad when I saw him, but in my ignorance, I walked right past. I did notice that he had no arms or legs or body whatsoever. I could tell just by looking at him that his spirit had been torn from his physical body many decades ago. When I got to the checkout I saw that there was a long line starting to form behind the man I had seen earlier. People were groaning loudly as he tried to put his groceries on the belt. Every time the translucent man touched his box of macaroni, however, his hand passed right through it. A bald man near the back of the line slammed his fists on his cart. "Some of us have LIVES to get to." When the bald man said "lives" I could see the ghost's dust-colored lip tremble. His life had clearly ended many years ago. "It's quite alright," said the young cashier, doing her best to be polite, though I saw a single bead of sweat roll dow

Sentences are like similes: sometimes you use them while riding a Ferris wheel, and sometimes they don't make sense. There are some sentences that have recurred in the English language over the years, but did you ever wonder what some of them mean? Word scientists have studied some of these well-known phrases for years without a clue to what they mean - until now! "There are plenty of fish in the sea." People will often use this one right after a breakup. But what do aquatic animals have to do with lost love? Nothing, actually! This phrase was originally used by members of the Illuminati as a sort of "signal" to potential members, and what better time to join the Illuminati than after a break up with a significant other? The phrase became widely used in the late 18th Century as the secretive organization was beginning its recruitment, and it is still used to this day. If you're approached by someone who mutters this phrase to you - be it in your car

Winter, along with centipedes and Kevin Spacey, is one of the scariest seasons of the year. Snow, ice, and cold temperatures can literally send a shiver down your spine. But you don't have to hide inside expensive titanium hibernation tubes like some people do in order to make it to spring. In fact, some people have gotten completely gotten rid of their  families' extended sleep chambers by following these tips. 1. Scrape the snow off your car by altering your body through the splicing of your genes with various animals.  Scraping ice off your car in the morning before you go to work can really be a pain. It can be incredibly inconvenient for a human being born without a proper fur covering or talon-like appendages. I mean, if you have gloves on its not so bad, that's kind of like fur, and ice scrapers do a pretty good job I guess, but sometimes you forget those things. You wouldn't forget a giant tusk if it was surgically implanted to your face, though, or a t