Questions I Would Like to See Asked at the Final Debate

1.) What are you going to do about poverty? Specifically, can I borrow $50?

2.) Why are trains so loud?

3.) Are you able to tap your head, rub your belly, and invade a foreign country at the same time?

4.) What will you do to work with Congress in order to tackle income inequality? -OR- How stinky and dumb is your opponent?

5.) Why did the makers of the board game Candyland change the name of the character Queen Frostine to Princess Frostine? Will you change it back? The decision made by the makers of the game makes absolutely no sense, as "Queen" pleasantly rhymes with "Frostine," and Candyland already had a resident princess (Lolly) before they changed Frostine's name.

6.) How will you make next year's Spring Formal better? This year's sucked and they played really dumb music.

7.) Have you seen my blue North Face? For a while I thought I'd left it at work, but I've checked the coat closet several times and it's not there. It's possible that someone took it, or that I left it at my parents' house last time I was there. I keep forgetting to check whenever I go back though. Maybe I should just call them.

8.) ISIS: bad?

9.) How much wood would a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could receive paid family leave?

Comments

Read These If You Have Nothing Better to Do

Three tips on getting your beach body that don't involve going to war with Iran

Summer is almost here, which means Americans will be heading to the beach, pool, and possibly the Middle East to start another genocidal war that will only further destabilize the region. Here are some tips that make sure you look good while also ensuring you don't kill hundreds of thousands of people. 1.) Stick to your diplomatic relationship and your workout routine. Having a set plan can go a loooong way in ensuring you get to the gym every week. Once you establish something that works, though, don't give up just because you get busy or you want to tarnish your predecessor's legacy. Abs don't show up in one week. Don't stop your workout just because your tummy doesn't get flat right away, or because of unfounded claims that the 2015 peace deal deal isn't working. As Dory from Finding Nemo famously says: 2.) Maintain a high-protein breakfast and avoid appointing John Bolton as your National Security Advisor. Any breakfast that inc...

Something you never want to hear from your significant other

It started out like a regular date night. Both of us had survived tough weeks at work, and we relished the chance to get away from it all. After paying for our meal, we weren't yet ready to head in, so we decided to go for a walk by the river. It was warm, but the breeze off the water soothed us. My partner and I held hands. We chitchatted. I don't remember what we talked about, but then he turned to me and told me something I will never forget. My first reaction after hearing these words was shock. I never in my life imagined I would hear something like that directed at me, especially from someone I cared about so deeply. Did he really just say that? I wondered. Even though I had heard him clearly, my only response was, "What?" He repeated. Again, every word entered my ear and soured all happy memories I had of my partner. Every warm feeling that I felt towards him was now ice cold, and it was just as shocking to hear the second time: A roller skating ...

Update

I don't post about myself on here very often, but it's important that I share a significant update in my life. I'm not sharing this so you feel sorry for me, or look up to me, or even feel proud of me. I'm sharing this so others can hear my story, so that others going through something similar can know that they're not alone. I don't intend for this to be shocking, so I'm just going to say it now: I ate an entire ham by myself last Thursday. Simply typing those words out sent a wave of mixed emotions over me. On one hand, I'm relieved to get this off my chest. It feels freeing to share such a meaningful part of my life. On the other hand, it's terrifying, because now that everyone reading this knows I ate an entire ham by myself last Thursday I face the risk of experiencing judgment, strange looks, or whispers behind my back. Please know, however, that I am still me. I am still your family member, friend, work acquaintance, or whatever it is tha...

Web-site Musings' Official 2020 Endorsement

I have covered politics before, in both opinion and factual pieces, but have always refrained from making endorsements because no one paid me to. This year is different, however, with crises that seem to increase more and more by the day. As someone who cares about the future of this country and the world, I am making this endorsement in the hopes that we make it to 2021 looking stylish, while also staying practical. For this reason, I am proud to endorse FLEXI Extra Sturdy Sunglasses With Color Lenses - Sleek Design, Men & Women SJ9083! This election is more important than ever, as the current occupant of the White House has refused to tackle some of our most pressing issues, such as giving your eyes the UV protection they need as you go about your daily routine. Scientists predict that all of y our friends will have the coolest shades while you are stuck looking boring and dull, and yet, the President has do ne nothing about this crisis. As a candidate, FLEXI Extra Sturd...

CULTURE MUSINGS: How is the new Aladdin different from the original?

This Memorial Day weekend, Disney released Aladdin, the live-action version of one of its most popular movies based on the life of U.S. President Warren G. Harding's youngest son. While the adaption mostly stays true to the original, some eagle-eyed fans might have noticed these changes in Guy Ritchie's remake. The events of the live action film do not end up causing the Hindenburg disaster. It is heavily implied in the 1992 Aladdin film that the main character inadvertently creates a chain reaction through history that end up resulting in the 1937 explosion of the Hindenburg, starting with a chase scene at the beginning of the film. As Aladdin runs from palace guards, he bumps into a man who looks very similar to Ludwig Durr, the designer of the Hindenburg. John Musker and Ron Clements, the directors of the animated film, confirmed in several interviews that the man is indeed the airship designer's ancestor, and that Aladdin's collision with him has dire conse...

Web-site musings

Search This Blog