"Where does it come from and what does it actually mean?" Where Common Phrases Come From and What They Actually Mean

Sentences are like similes: sometimes you use them while riding a Ferris wheel, and sometimes they don't make sense. There are some sentences that have recurred in the English language over the years, but did you ever wonder what some of them mean? Word scientists have studied some of these well-known phrases for years without a clue to what they mean - until now!

"There are plenty of fish in the sea."

People will often use this one right after a breakup. But what do aquatic animals have to do with lost love? Nothing, actually! This phrase was originally used by members of the Illuminati as a sort of "signal" to potential members, and what better time to join the Illuminati than after a break up with a significant other? The phrase became widely used in the late 18th Century as the secretive organization was beginning its recruitment, and it is still used to this day. If you're approached by someone who mutters this phrase to you - be it in your car, a planetarium, or Oval Office - there a few very specific instructions you must follow. The first is to respond with this phrase: "But there are very few toads in the pond." This will signal to the correspondent that you are interested in taking the next step to become a member of the Illuminati, but you must be careful to never mention the organization's name aloud. Once you have given your response the correspondent will kneel to tie their shoe, and in doing so will slip a gold coin into your shoe (if you are barefoot or wearing flip flops they will nestle it between two of your toes). Do not handle or look at the coin until the two of you have parted ways: this will prove to your correspondent that you are capable of keeping a secret. When you do have a chance to hold the coin take it directly to the nearest vending machine that sells Fanta. When you are sure that no one is watching you, place the gold coin in the coin slot. The machine will initially only act as though you have inserted a quarter unless you press the correct buttons. First press the button for diet cola (either Coke or Pepsi will do). The screen will say "sold out" but that's okay. After that press the button for Fanta, then the button for cola (NOT diet), and then the button for diet cola again. You will only have one chance to do this so make sure the order is correct. Once you have pressed the last button you should hear a loud "clink" and the machine will give you a bottle of IlluminaTea. Take this drink home and drink the entire contents of this bottle on your back porch. You will likely remember very little after this, but when you wake up you will notice a triangle tattoo somewhere on your body. Congratulations, and welcome to the organization! You will be contacted with further instructions shortly.
If you are not interested in becoming a member of the Illuminati you can use the coin to get a free beverage with the purchase of a sandwich at any Wendy's.

"Don't put all your eggs in one basket."

This means that you shouldn't put all your eggs in one basket. How many times do I have to tell you? This is why all our baskets are yolky.

"Go away, we don't want to play Candy Land with you."

This one has origins going all the way back to elementary school when you got the classic board game for your sixth birthday. First you heard it from your parents, then your siblings, and eventually you heard it from all your friends too. This phrase haunted you throughout junior high and high school as well: teachers, writers for the school newspaper, and those kids that always sat at the back of the bus. Like the rest of these phrases, this one also has a meaning that isn't quite clear if you don't know the context of it. When someone says, "Go away, we don't want to play Candyland with you," they actually mean, "You are destined to usurp King Kandy and become the ruler of the Candy realm, laughing at all of us from the highest tower of the Candy Castle as we remain stuck in the molasses." Who knew that this whole time you thought people were rejecting your favorite board game they were actually telling you that as Lord Licorice you, with the help of the dreaded Molasses Monster Gloppy, could stage an uprising and rule over the Gumdrop Mountains, Lollipop Woods, and Peppermint Forest alongside your first love Queen Frostine.

"An apple a day keeps the doctor away."

I'll bet you heard this a million times from your mother or talking wolf-people that raised you. But what do the words "apple" and "doctor" even mean? I always thought that when my mom said "apple" she was making fun of the way my two-year-old sister said "airplanes," and "doctor" was her pronouncing "dark tur" in British accent. But these were actually commonly used words in the 21st Century! An apple was a type of food that grew on trees. No, not the metal, plastic sculptures you find in most indoor recreation areas, but ancient woody plants that grew in the dirt. Yes, people actually consumed food that came from the dirt, and not from air-tight canisters delivered straight to your kitchen. As for "doctor," that was a word used to describe people who worked in hospitals. You read that correctly, people who worked in hospitals, back when we allowed other humans to take care of our medical needs. Imagine another person (without the aid of a Robotic Medical Assistant) performing a complex medical procedure on you. Creepy, right? So why on earth would your mother continually use a phrase about disgusting dirt-food and terrifying men that cut you open with knives? The answer's obvious if you think about it. Doctors are terrifying, yes, but what's more terrifying? That's right, fruit. Dirty, muddy, disease ridden fruit. So when your mother says "an apple a day keeps the doctor away," she's pretty much saying "the only way to protect yourself from hideous monsters is to do something so disgusting that it will keep even them away."

"Four score and seven years ago our fathers brought forth on this continent, a new nation, conceived in Liberty, and dedicated to the proposition that all men are created equal. Now we are engaged in a great civil war, testing whether that nation, or any nation so conceived and so dedicated, can long endure. We are met on a great battle-field of that war. We have come to dedicate a portion of that field, as a final resting place for those who here gave their lives that that nation might live. It is altogether fitting and proper that we should do this. But, in a larger sense, we can not dedicate -- we can not consecrate -- we can not hallow -- this ground. The brave men, living and dead, who struggled here, have consecrated it, far above our poor power to add or detract. The world will little note, nor long remember what we say here, but it can never forget what they did here. It is for us the living, rather, to be dedicated here to the unfinished work which they who fought here have thus far so nobly advanced. It is rather for us to be here dedicated to the great task remaining before us -- that from these honored dead we take increased devotion to that cause for which they gave the last full measure of devotion -- that we here highly resolve that these dead shall not have died in vain -- that this nation, under God, shall have a new birth of freedom -- and that government of the people, by the people, for the people, shall not perish from the earth."

You've probably heard this one yelled at you while canoeing past a group of businessmen dressed as the creatures from Where The Wild Things Are, or maybe you've seen it scrawled on the stall in the public restroom of the building where your ex-wife used to work before she blocked you on Facebook and changed her phone number. No one actually knows what this phrase means or where it comes from, but it sure is fun to say!