Webster's dictionary defines New Years as "a year that is new." With newness comes change, and with change comes rejuvenation, and with rejuvenation comes resolutions, and with resolutions comes change, and with change comes confusion. "What should my New Years resolution be?" you may have asked yourself in a Taco Bell parking lot at 2am. Well here are some ideas that may help the upcoming New Year be one of the best years of 2015.
Put down your quilting and look at the world around you!
Kids these days seem to have one thing on their minds: quilting. Everywhere you look you see something about quilts: quilting magazines, quilting "selfies," and even quilting reality shows. I, for one, am sick of it! Society has replaced "hanging out" and "friendship" with "patches" and "needles," and the mother of our nation Betsy Ross would be doing backflips in her grave if she could see us now. While teens, tweens, and even some adults, are stitching fabric together, they are tearing our nation apart. Just the other day I saw two quilters sitting on a park bench and completely MISS a freaking HAWK grab a poptart right out of some lady's hands. It was one of the sickest things I've ever seen, and these two "needlebrains" didn't even look up because they were to busy with their precious quilting. Maybe if they had seen the sweetest hawk ever they would have realized that sewing squares together is NOT what life is all about. So, if you put down your quilting and look at the world around you you may stitch up a great 2015.
Put fruit that isn't cantaloupe in fruit salad
If you're anything like me, you've spent a good portion of time at restaurant buffets, and if you're a lot like me, you've made frequent stops in the fruit salad section. Do you remember a time (or several times) that you sat down in your seat, ready to start shoveling fruit salad in your mouth, only to realize that there's CANTALOUPE on your fork or spoon? Birthdays have been ruined by cantaloupes, and the victims of this have been spared if only the makers of these fruit salads had left cantaloupes where they belong: in the garbage pail!!! Cantaloupes taste mushy, even when they're not, and they smell like gross stuff. Watermelon is a much better melon: it's juicy, crisp, and loved by all. Cantaloupe is not juicy enough, not crisp, and loved by NONE. Also if you want orange in your fruit salad, why not just put in, oh, I don't know, AN ORANGE!!! Anyway, fruit salad is yummy, and cantaloupes sure are not, so put fruit that isn't cantaloupe in fruit salad and your 2015 will be sweet.
Give people privacy when they are not crying in the shower
Have you found yourself knocking on the bathroom door and asking the person in the shower "are you okay?" Have you found yourself doing that multiple times a week? We all know that privacy is one of our judicial rights, and breaking that right is not just breaking your relationships, but also breaking the LAW. It doesn't matter if you think you hear someone crying in the shower, you should still leave them alone if you want your relationships to remain fruitful in 2015 and the years beyond. Saying things like, "You've been in there for almost two hours," or, "We can hear your wailing from all the way outside" do not only make the situation uncomfortable, but they also make the situation worse. It is everyone's God-given right to wash themselves the way they want to, and if that includes saying, "Why won't you write back to me Amy Poehler?" over and over again that is none of your business. If you think bathroom doors should remain LOCKED, then give people privacy when they are not crying in the shower might be the resolution for you.
Learn how to draw mazes
Who hasn't found themself sitting home alone on a Saturday night wishing they had a good maze to do? I know I have, and when my maze craving strikes, it strikes HARD. I have a confession: this New Years resolution is one that I made back in 2013, and it was one of the best decisions of my life! I spent most of 2012 sitting on chairs and couches wishing I could do bad-a$$ (sorry Mom) mazes, but, surprisingly, bad-@ss mazes are hard to find - if you don't know where to look. I realized that the secret to finding a bad-as5 maze was with me the whole time, and in late December I made the resolution to draw my OWN mazes. Now, this resolution did not solve my problems right away. At first my mazes were lame. There were not enough twists and turns and sometimes were not even possible to solve! (talk about frustrating) But after two years of practice, and a lot of dedication, I was finally able to make bad-as$ mazes that were fun for the whole family. Learn how to draw mazes and your New Year will be a-maze-ing.
Stop making fun of people for being hard core fans of X-Men!!
Sure, everyone has their preference for their favorite movie about a team of young super humans (mutants). But some people think it is okay to holler and throw empty Pringles cans at people just because they love one of Marvel Comics' most popular franchises. "But X-Men is for babies," you might say, or "Professor X is not even a good superhero because he can't walk," but to those statements I say, "You could not be further from the truth." In fact, X-Men is NOT for babies. Can babies understand the social issues that stem from the Mutant Act formed by Senator Kelly in the first X-Men movie (2000)? I THINK NOT! Also, Professor X may not be able to walk, but he is one of the most powerful mutants in the world and can take out even the toughest of bad guys just by touching his head. So, if you agree with the above statements about X-Men being totally awesome, maybe stop making fun of people for being hard core fans of X-Men should be your New Years Resolution.
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