Skip to main content

Who said it: Donald Trump, or an old mattress behind the abandoned Holiday Inn?






1.) "Thank you so much, New Hampshire! I am not an old mattress behind the abandoned Holiday Inn."

?
?
?
?
?
?
?
?
?
?
?
?
?
?
?
?
?
?
?
?
?
?
?
?
?
?
?

This quote can be attributed to Donald Trump, which he said after winning the New Hampshire primary in February.











2.) "I am a real human man born from a human woman, my mother."

?
?
?
?
?
?
?
?
?
?
?
?
?
?
?
?
?
?
?
?
?
?
?
?
?
?
?
This one also goes to Donald Trump, which he said to a crowd of enthusiastic supporters while caucusing in Iowa.







 


3.) "This deal with Iran makes me even madder than the time the manager tossed me out the back door of the hotel as it was being shut down. I was a human at the time, and I have always been a human."
?
?
?
?
?
?
?
?
?
?
?
?
?
?
?
?
?
?
?
?
?
?
?
?
?
?
?
?

Donald Trump, again, criticizing President Obama's treaty with Iran.








4.) "You should vote for me because no other mattress - I mean man - is willing to build a wall to keep the Mexicans out."

?
?
?
?
?
?
?
?
?
?
?
?
?
?
?
?
?
?
?
?
?
?
?
?
?
?
?

Donald Trump said this as he announced his candidacy for President of the United States.








5.) "Whatever you do, do not listen to the man claiming to be Donald Trump. I am the real Donald Trump - at least I used to be. When I was just seven, an old witch transferred my consciousness into this old mattress, and the old mattress's consciousness into my body. The old mattress has been masquerading as me - Donald Trump - for over sixty years!"

?
?
?
?
?
?
?
?
?
?
?
?
?
?
?
?
?
?
?
?
?
?
?
?
?
?
?

Did you guess an old mattress behind the abandoned Holiday Inn? If you did, you were right!








6.) "I own over five trillion hotels."

?
?
?
?
?
?
?
?
?
?
?
?
?
?
?
?
?
?
?
?
?
?
?
?
?
?
?

Yes, that's Donald Trump, speaking at his grandfather's funeral.





 


7.) "Quickly, we only have until the setting of the harvest moon! After that, I won't be able to speak as I will have returned to the form of an old mattress behind the abandoned Holiday Inn. To reverse the spell you must gather three pebbles from beneath the tallest oak tree in the forest and force the fake Donald Trump to swallow them. Only then can I return to my body and defeat the old hag after all these years."

?
?
?
?
?
?
?
?
?
?
?
?
?
?
?
?
?
?
?
?
?
?
?
?
?
?
?

Another one from the old mattress behind the abandoned Holiday Inn, just as the harvest moon was beginning to fall behind the trees.








8.) "We are gonna make America [SQUEEEEEAK ... BOIOIOIOIOING ... SQUEEEEEAK ... BOIOIOIOIOING] again!"

?
?
?
?
?
?
?
?
?
?
?
?
?
?
?
?
?
?
?
?
?
?
?
?
?
?
?


If you didn't get this one, maybe you should turn on a TV! That's Donald Trump with his famous campaign slogan.










9.) "It doesn't matter what size the pebbles are, they just have to be small enough to fit into his mouth."

?
?
?
?
?
?
?
?
?
?
?
?
?
?
?
?
?
?
?
?
?
?
?
?
?
?
?

An old mattress said this, as it was sitting behind the abandoned Holiday Inn.




Comments

Post a Comment

Read These If You Have Nothing Better to Do

How to tell if you have a horse infestation… and what to do about it.

Click  here  to read at funny-ish.com.
Post a Comment
Read more

10 Pictures of Dogs That Will Make You Say "This Idiot Doesn't Know What Dogs Are"

Dogs: gotta love them, right? I can remember the first time I saw a dog, I said: "Wow, look at that dog, which I know is a dog because I know what dogs are!" While some dogs do some things, there are other dogs that do other things. But when it comes down to it, all dogs are one thing: and that thing is that they are all dogs. Here are some pictures of dogs: 1.) Clifford the Big Red Dog We've all heard of Clifford the big red dog, right? This is a picture of something big and red, therefore it is a dog. 2.) A dog and something else! I love it when dogs are in photos with other things! There are two things in this photo, one of which is not a dog, the other of which is a dog! 3.) More dog! Wow! Look all that dog! 4.) A dog doing what dogs do! Now that's a dog if I ever saw one! Which I have! 5.) Statistically, one of these has to be a dog. This is harder than I thought it would be. 5.) It's a dog eat dog world. Maybe a dog is hidi...
Post a Comment
Read more

My vacation!

I don't get to travel much, but when I do I never know the best way to share my journey. Twitter doesn't give you enough characters, and Facebook is too filled with political posts these days. Instagram banned me for direct messaging photos of my feet to celebrities, so I decided to share my adventures on my blog. I hope you enjoy! Have you ever seen anything so stunning? I haven't because my eyes melted. When I arrived I was immediately taken aback by the view! While I had heard that the scenery would blow me away, I didn't think that my skin would literally fall off of my bones! Found some unwelcome creatures where I stayed... I wish the hotel I stayed at had called an exterminator before I arrived... yuck! The facility was otherwise fine (though the pool of eternally burning fire could have been a little bigger), but I CANNOT stand finding critters where I sleep. I'm sure you wouldn't be able to sleep either if you had these guys crawling under your...
Post a Comment
Read more

My coming out post

This is difficult. I’m not usually vulnerable on here, but I need to talk about something. After being in the closet for so long, it’s time for me to speak my truth. As a writer, this blog is the best place for me to do that. And I really appreciate YOU for reading this. Being in the closet is in no way a fun experience. When you have no one to talk to it’s easy to shut down, to get lost in your thoughts. For that reason, I have a lot of pent-up emotions... soI’ll try to not write too much! I feel like I’ve been in the closet forever. But when it really comes down to it, I’m the same person I was when I was trapped in there. “Trapped” might seem like a strong word, but I assure you, I do not use it  lightly. When I was in the closet, I truly felt that I would never get out - and that often led to despair. Despite all this, I have no regrets - because coming out has only made me stronger. I cannot write this post without thanking my support system: my friends and family. Thes...
Post a Comment
Read more

Summer Fun on a Budget

In case the several gallons of sweat drenching the inside of your astronaut costume hasn't told you yet, SUMMER IS HERE! For some that might mean several weeks of traveling, but for those of us who don't work for a pirate that pays us in treasure chests, we don't have a ton of time or gold coins to traverse the seas. If you fall in that category, like I do, this list will hopefully give you some valuable tips to enjoying your summer without breaking the bank. 1.) Discontinue the zero-tolerance illegal immigration policy. I don't know about you, but criminalizing people who try to get from one country to another is my least favorite thing about summer (or any season). Why not end this by getting rid of this discriminatory policy in the first place? Put on one of those old sundresses or some flip flops to look extra cute while doing it! 2.) Stop separating families at the border. Did you know that you can ride a roller coaster or go to a water park to hear scr...
Post a Comment
Read more